You know, I thought moving to Portland would give me all sorts of new insight, inspiration and perspective. A new life experience to fuel my creativity! There was no other option than to become an honest and prolific writer. One of those confident and self-aware types who brilliantly documents their major life transitions.
Yeah, not quite. Instead, my mental capacity seems to have (temporarily) shrunk over the past nine months and most of the time I’ve got nothin’. I find myself staring off into space. I’m exhausted – mentally, emotionally and socially. At the end of the day, it’s all I can do to stare glossy-eyed into space. Blank stare. Blank mind. Like Goldie Hawn in the movie Overboard. Buh, buh, buh, buh. Would somebody please just start throwing grapes at my forehead already? (For all I know, the Bodenettes are throwing grapes at my forehead. I wouldn’t know.)
Before anyone (mom and/or dad) get’s all hot and bothered, let me assure you – I am fine. I think. Ha, no really, I am. Adjustment can take it’s toll and that is what I’m chocking this season up to. Change. Familiarity hasn’t graced it’s presence yet and everything requires a thought process. I’ll continue to settle in, find my place(s) and the haze will lift. In the meantime, things are different for me. Nothing comes as easy as it did. And creativity? Well, it seems to have left the building.
I think about how I want to write. What I could write. I start drafts, dump feelings, attempt to organize them into anything somebody (other than me) could understand and then, nada. Stop. Blank stare. Buh, buh, buh, buh. Grapes hit forehead.
It’s frustrating. And it makes me sad because I miss sharing thoughts and stories. Especially here on Hello Day. I keep telling myself, “It’s to be expected. Inspiration ebbs and flows. It will come again soon enough.” And so, in the meantime I periodically share a deodorant recipe or race re-cap. Because, I’m not ready to let go. Not yet.
I feel the mental breaks letting up. Heck, I haven’t written this many words since January. It’s a sign – the writing mojo will soon return. In the meantime, I’ll agree to keep sharing what I’ve got, when I’ve got it. And I hope you continue to check in with me here now and again. Because, I love participating in the world of story telling.
So, that’s that. Now, answer a question for me in the meantime.